Popcorn Fun
by The Sacred and Profane
Summary: It's movie night at Tifa and Reno's house. Materia is dropped and the fun really begins. ReTi with some Rude/Yuffie for Speedy Speck.
1. Chapter 1

Popcorn Fun

AN: I own nothing in this story. This is for Speedy Speck so enjoy! Please R&R.

Reno and Tifa cuddled together on the couch, a remote for their television close at hand. Reno nuzzled her neck, eliciting a few giggles of delight from the brunette.

"Let's watch the movie already!" a voice whined. Reno and Tifa broke apart a little, Tifa smiling sheepishly while Reno glared.

"I'm sure Rude would love it if you showed him some PDA princess," Reno shot back. Yuffie glared and wrapped an arm around Rude's waist, pulling him closer.

"Mind your own damn business Turkey! I'll have you know we make out a lot. We just don't like to cram it down other people's throats like you."

"What movie are we watching?" Rude asked in an attempt to ease the tension between his girlfriend and his best friend.

This time it worked.

"I don't know I let Tifa decide," Reno answered. As the three looked at Tifa, they could see her cheeks become a bit pink.

"Well...I chose one of my favorites. I think we'll all like it even if it isn't exactly the most serious piece of cinema ever."

"What is it?" Yuffie asked, munching on a handful of popcorn.

"Fantasia," Tifa answered, her blush intensifying. But instead of the teasing she thought she would receive, Yuffie and Reno merely grinned.

"Awesome choice," Yuffie said, eating more popcorn. Rude nodded in agreement. Tifa relaxed and lay her head on Reno's shoulder.

"You don't think it's too childish, do you?" Tifa asked as she started the movie.

"Nah, babe. You made a great choice," Reno replied, kissing her on the cheek.

Toccata and Fugue started off the movie, the two couples enjoying the surrealism of the animation matched with Bach's genius. As it was nearing the end, Tifa noticed that the popcorn was almost gone.

"Yuffie, could you pass me the popcorn?"

"No way, I'm eating it!"

"You've had nearly the entire bowl and you're a guest in my house," Tifa reminded the ninja, who just turned to her with narrowed eyes.

"You want the popcorn, huh?" Tifa nodded, thankful that the argument was apparently over. Yuffie picked up the bowl, stood up, and dumped the contents all over Tifa's head, drenching the barmaid in seeds, butter, and salt.

Reno was about to open his mouth to yell at the princess when Tifa launched herself forward, pinning Yuffie to the floor, a hand pulling the ninja's short hair.

Unobserved by anyone, a Materia slid out of Yuffie's pockets and hit the television, a multicolored flash shooting out of it.

Reno and Rude were about to pry their warring girlfriends apart when they felt themselves being sucked into the television. Yuffie and Tifa watched wide eyed as their men vanished into the screen.

A moment of silence passed.

"What did you do Yuffie?"

"I didn't do anything! It must have been the Turkey's fault!" Yuffie yelled back.

"Don't call him a- but Tifa was cut off as she felt her own body being sucked towards the boob tube, Yuffie following after her.

As their bodies crossed through the screen, they passed out.

* * *

Tifa opened her eyes and found herself in a white space devoid of furniture or even walls. A groan beside her made the barmaid turn to the source of the noise and saw her boyfriend, eyes opening.

"Reno!" Quickly embracing him, she checked him from head to toe, making sure he was alright. Once she was satisfied, she returned her gaze to his eyes.

"Tifa...where are we?"

"You're in my body of course!" a child's voice rang out. Said child appeared in the blink of an eye. She had long red hair and brown eyes that looked exactly like Tifa's own.

"Who are you?" Tifa asked. The little girl laughed. She couldn't be older than six.

"I'm your television and you two are my parents!" Taking in their wide open stares and dropped jaws, the little television girl giggled. "See, you two bought me and brought me home and watch me all the time, which makes you my mommy and daddy. One of that ninja's Materia things made me come alive and so I decided I wanted to play with all of you!"

"Play..." Reno said, still trying to wrap his brain around what he had just heard. The little girl nodded.

"Yup, yup, yup! And since we're watching one of mommy's favorite movies that's what we're going to play! I'm gonna send you into the movie and you'll be whatever characters I want. When the movie is finished you'll all be back in the real world, 'kay?"

"Look, um, sweetie, we really don't want to play right now- but Tifa was cut off by the pout the little red head directed her way. Sniffles escaped her lips and Tifa soon swept her into a hug. "Alright, alright, we'll play."

The television girl brightened up in a moment and kissed Tifa on the cheek.

"You'll love it mommy!" Tifa then put her down and the child pointed at the two of them. "Now it might be a bit scary sometimes but even if you get hurt or even killed in one part of the movie, you'll be just fine in the next section. Bye, bye, this is going to be so much fun!" As the child waved at them, Tifa and Reno could feel their bodies vanishing.

"Wait, what's your name?" Tifa asked.

"Telly, but I like to be called Elly," the girl answered. And with another wave, Tifa and Reno vanished completely.

* * *

Reno blinked. He felt odd and looked down at his legs. What he saw was a creamy brown pair of blobs where his legs used to be. He also felt something weird on the top of his head. Reaching out what he knew to be his arms, he touched whatever it was. At the touch, he recognized exactly what part of Fantasia he was in: the Mushroom dance scene. A little baby mushroom walked/waddled over to him, looking out of place.

"Reno?" Tifa's voice asked from the fungi's "mouth".

"Yeah babe, it's me."

"What are we supposed to do?"

Just then music started up, booming all around them, and the fungi couple started dancing, kicking their little legs out and going round in circles along with all the other mushrooms.

"Where do you think Rude and Yuffie are?" the Turk asked.

"I don't know but hopefully they're safe," Tifa replied before they felt their bodies vanishing once again.

The music had ended and with it their roles in this part of Fantasia.

* * *

Yuffie was sure she was going insane. First she had met that little red headed girl who looked like a mini version of Reno and Tifa combined and then told that she was in trouble for making the little girl's mommy upset. Then she had vanished.

Upon returning to her senses, Yuffie realized she had on a robe of some sort.

"Rude?" she asked, her voice high pitched. In fact, Yuffie knew that voice. "Gosh, I'm Mickey!" the now cartoon rodent princess of Wutai said. A broom walked up to her, a pair of markings on it's body reminded Yuffie of her lover's favorite sunglasses. "Rude, I'm Mickey!" The broom that was Rude seemed to roll his eyes at her, although how Yuffie knew this she had no idea.

She saw a blue glow off in the distance then and knew it was the wizard's hat. Drawn to it, she put the hat on, between her massive ears, and thrust her hands forward, magic springing to life from her fingertips. A couple of more brooms were brought to life.

"I guess we have to follow the plot," Yuffie said as the music started.

As the brooms, Rude included, gathered the water in buckets and moved it over and over again, dumping the H20 until it overflowed, Yuffie started to worry.

How was she supposed to stop all this?

She tried all the magic she could but the water wouldn't recede and the music got more frantic.

Spying an ax glinting in the dimly lit chamber, she ran up to it and rushed into the fray of brooms, quickly separating Rude from the rest as she started chopping.

After all were now bits of wood, the music had slowed. Yuffie wiped her furry brow and heaved a sigh of relief. The doors flung open a moment later and the wizard arrived, glaring at Yuffie.

"Ha, ha, I didn't do it," Yuffie said, chuckling. The wizard raised two eyebrows and picked up Rude. Walking past the wizard, Yuffie was spanked hard in the butt and rushed out, her consciousness fading as the music ended.

* * *

Tifa found herself in a primordial forest with music pounding all around her. Spying a tasty looking leaf, she ate it and started chewing.

"The Rite of Spring sequence...which must mean that I'm now a..." Tifa said aloud, looking down at her new body. Sure enough, the Avalanche member was now a dinosaur, a brontosaurus to be exact. She wandered through the forest, her massive feet sinking into the rich earth, until she came across a large gathering of dinosaurs and small furry things that could only be prehistoric mammals.

"Reno?" she asked. A furred form landed on her body then and scampered up her neck.

"Tifa...it's me. Although I wish it wasn't," the red head said, appearing in front of Tifa's eyes upside down as he was leaning over her head to get into her field of vision. Tifa chuckled at his lemur like form, the sound rumbling throughout her body and nearly making Reno fall off.

"We're here to have fun, remember?" Tifa said. "And how do you think I feel? I must weigh a few tons at least." Reno smirked, the expression incredibly odd on him now, and patted her head.

"You still look sexy."

"Thanks...but if we're in Rite of Spring then- but a roar bellowed from a deeper part of the forest and a T Rex as dark as sin stomped into view, it's eyes and open mouth as red as Reno's hair usually was. But there was something odd about the way the T Rex moved. It almost seemed...clumsy.

"Rude...where are ya?" the T Rex said in a deep throated growl.

"Yuffie?!" both Reno and Tifa said. The T Rex blinked and then seemed to smile.

"Turkey, Tifa! Man am I glad I found you guys! That little kid creeped me out and then I was Mickey Mouse. I think I might be going crazy actually."

"Yuffie..." a stegosaurus said, padding up to the T Rex.

"Rude! Alright, we're all together now! What should we- but Yuffie noticed just how big Rude and Tifa were and how juicy their thighs looked. A bit of drool escaped her slightly opened mouth.

"Run!" Reno yelled. He held onto Tifa tightly as she did just that, Rude following after her.

"Guys, I just want to eat you!" Yuffie whined from behind them as she gave chase.

Luckily, for the ninja, she managed to catch up to Rude first and tried to bite his back. But a whack from his spiked tail put an end to that.

"Rude, that's assault!" Yuffie roared.

"You're trying to eat me," the bald Turk stated.

"Oh yeah..." Yuffie said before trying again.

Tifa and Reno watched as Rude's strength failed him after a few moments and winced as Yuffie bit him.

"Yuffie, he won't die if you eat him! In fact I think you have to so we can get out of here!" Tifa yelled. But the T Rex had already started to tuck in, the music fading once more as the four started to fade.

* * *

Rude heard some truly beautiful music playing and opened his eyes. He was half submerged in a crystal clear pond. He started to move forward but felt three other legs do the same. Ignoring it, he walked out of the pond and then realized exactly what he was.

Rude, the fist fighter of the Turks, was now a female centaur with long black hair and blue eyes. His horse half was covered in fur the same color as his hair and he walked around a little, getting a feel for his new body.

"Excuse me, are you Rude?" a youthful male centaur asked another male centaur a few meters ahead. The male centaur shook it's head and galloped away.

"Yuffie, is that you?" Rude asked, embarrassed at how soft his new voice was. Yuffie still had her black hair but a beard covered her chin. Her muscled human half looked even stronger than Rude's normal self and the ninja clopped over to her boyfriend.

"Rude...you're a...woman..." Yuffie managed to say before great booming laughs escaped her throat. Rude put his hands on his hips and raised an eyebrow.

"And you're a man," Rude shot back. Yuffie got over her laughing fit and wiped her eyes a little.

"Yeah but it's not that bad you know? Kind of refreshing actually. I'm not going crazy am I?"

"No, Yuffie, it was one of your Materia that caused all this, remember?"

"It was Tifa's fault, not mine!" Yuffie yelled, whinnying a bit as she replied.

"Yuffie, it was your fault and you know it!" a boy's voice called out from above. Looking up, the two centaurs saw two cherubs descending from the sky.

"Tifa..." Rude said as he raised a delicate eyebrow.

"Don't forget about me partner," the second cherub said, the red hair alighting his head and his mannerisms clearly those of Reno. "Man, if Laney and Tseng could see us now," Reno chuckled.

"You're not telling anyone about this, got it?" Rude said. Reno nodded and looked over at his now male girlfriend.

"What's supposed to happen in this part of the movie again?" Tifa was about to answer when a parade of centaurs galloped past carrying wooden buckets overflowing with grapes.

"We have to follow them," Tifa said, pointing a chubby finger towards the centaurs.

So the group followed after them and discovered a giant wine press, Yuffie whooping at the sight.

"Yeah, let's get drunk!" She then dragged Rude towards one of the openings and forced him under a stream of red wine, the ninja placing herself under another a second later.

Bacchus appeared several minutes later, crocked out of his mind on the back of his poor little donkey. The portly god raised a toast and the two cherubs floated above him.

"You know you and Yuffie will have to make up, right?" Reno asked.

"I know, but she started it so she should apologize," Tifa said, crossing her arms over her flat chest.

A loud belch sounded then and Yuffie stumbled over to them, supporting a giggling Rude.

"Hey...HIC you guys...you gonna drink any URP wine?" Yuffie asked while Rude continued to giggle. Yuffie kissed one of his rosy cheeks at the sight.

"I don't think angels can get drunk, Yuffie," Reno answered.

Suddenly the sky grew dark and the festive music changed, becoming much more ominous. A god appeared in the sky then, the thunderbolt held in his hand signifying just how it was.

"Zeus..." Tifa muttered as she flew away, taking Reno with her. The two drunk centaurs watched them leave as lightning crashed and a torrent of rain began.

"Run, HIC!" Yuffie yelled and the two centaurs did just that, not noticing their bodies fading away.

* * *

Tifa yawned widely, the barmaid feeling strangely lethargic as dawn broke the horizon. Opening her eyes, she saw that she was in a vast amphitheater. Recognition made her shake her lethargy a bit and she looked down, not surprised in the slightest to see that she now had a massive hippo belly and a pink tutu over her hips.

Tifa the hippo stood up and did a pirouette, amazed at how graceful she was. In fact, she felt even more graceful then her normal human form.

"This'll be fun," she said aloud as she started to dance with the music. Ostriches soon appeared as well as elephants. One of the elephants nearly crashed into Tifa and the cartoon hippo narrowed her eyes.

"Yuffie, how are you feeling?"

"How did you know it was me?" the elephant of Wutai trumpeted.

"Only one person I know is that clumsy," Tifa answered.

"Hey, that was mean! Besides we're only here because of you!" Yuffie yelled. The hippo that was Tifa bumped her belly into Yuffie's and glared.

"And who started the whole fight in the first place?" Tifa asked.

"You did!" Yuffie replied, sticking out her tongue.

"At least now you know what you'll look like if you keep on eating junk food," Tifa taunted. The elephant then tackled the hippo and they started fighting, their attacks useless as all their blubber shielded them from harm.

After thirty minutes of this, as the rest of the animals continued to dance, the hippo and elephant stood up, both panting and sweaty.

"Maybe...maybe...it was my fault," Yuffie said, not meeting Tifa's brown eyed gaze.

"Well...I...shouldn't have got so upset," she said. Yuffie then hugged onto Tifa as best she could.

"Friends?"

"Friends," Tifa said, smiling. "And I'm sorry about the junk food comment."

"It's alright, I deserved it." They then broke apart and Yuffie observed Tifa's body. "You know, I'm surprised you aren't freaking out at how fat you are," the ninja commented.

"I'm a hippo now, can't really do much about it. And besides it's fun!" Tifa then started dancing and Yuffie soon joined her, finding that she danced just as well.

As the sun was sinking below the horizon, the music changed and a train of sinister garbed crocodiles appeared, fez's adorning their scaly heads. Two of them at the head approached Tifa and Yuffie.

"Tifa, princess, is that you?" Reno asked. The next thing either he or Rude knew they were being smothered by hippo and elephant blubber as the two hugged their boyfriends tightly. Once they were released and could breathe again, Tifa smiled.

"I must say the look suits you Re."

"Funny, I was about to say the same thing about you," Reno teased back. They then started dancing, Rude tangoing with Yuffie while Reno did the foxtrot with his hippo of a lover.

"Am I still hot?" Yuffie asked Rude as he dipped her low.

"Sexy," Rude confirmed, kissing her on the lips. Yuffie's grey cheeks turned pink at the compliment and they continued to dance, the music's tempo picking up.

Tifa ran away from Reno and motioned for him to stand right where he was.

"Teef, what are you doing?" At his question, Tifa started running, her steps pounding into the ground. Leaping into the air, she smirked as she crashed onto her reptilian boyfriend.

"That's for teasing me," Tifa whispered to her squashed lover. Her body started moving then as Reno somehow managed to lift the hippo above his head and twirled her around in a circle as the music ended, their forms losing substance.

* * *

Reno and Tifa huddled close together in the wooded grove, their cloaked bodies pressed against one another.

"That was terrifying," Tifa said. Reno nodded.

They had ended up literally dancing on Satan's palm and the ruler of Hell had turned them into pigs, imps, and finally women with skin constructed from flames before smothering them. Finding themselves together in this wood, they started walking as truly heavenly music played on.

"Ave Maria," Tifa murmured, glad for the change in mood after a Night on Bald Mountain.

The couple spied Rude and Yuffie a few feet ahead of them, decked out in robes and carrying a lantern as the four of them moved on through a church before spying the rising sun.

"It's beautiful," Reno said, his jaw dropping at the sight. Tifa hugged him and nodded as the music finished and the world vanished.

* * *

Opening his eyes, Reno found himself on the floor of his home, Tifa beside him and Yuffie and Rude sprawled out a few feet away.

"We're back!" Tifa cried, kissing him deep on the lips.

"Yeah we are," Reno said.

The television flickered to life and Elly's face appeared, grinning at the four of them.

"Mommy, Daddy, was it fun?"

"It was wonderful," Tifa answered, Reno agreeing. Elly cheered and jumped up and down.

"So..." Yuffie said, looking at Reno,Tifa,Rude, and the now sentient television, "What are we going to watch next?"


	2. Chapter 2

Bored Wonder

AN: I own nothing in this story. This is for fire mystic so enjoy! Please R&R.

A few weeks had passed since Reno and Tifa had discovered they had a sentient television who considered them "her" parents. Since then, the television's abilities had been used primarily by Yuffie, who dragged Rude with her as they explored tombs with Indiana Jones, blasted Tie Fighters in the Millennium Falcon, and raced each other as cars in _Cars_.

Tifa, on the other hand, had only gone in once since the first time, Reno coming with her as they spent time together in one of the Turk's favorite movies: _The Lord of The Rings_. Although being a female Hobbit was interesting, the barmaid found herself consuming three breakfasts for days after leaving Middle Earth. Reno was also afflicted though, so she didn't suffer alone.

But now, sitting on the couch, Tifa let a bored sigh escape her lips.

Because with Reno at work, her katas done, and the bar closed for remodeling, Tifa had nothing to do. Her eyes started to close as her body decided a nap was in order, the barmaid not noticing the television flickering on.

* * *

"Mom..."

Tifa groaned a little at the voice but opened her eyes. She was in that white space again. Sitting up, she saw a woman appear. She had long red hair and striking brown eyes, exactly like Tifa's own.

"E-Elly?!" Tifa asked. The young woman, who looked 21, nodded.

"That's my name," Elly responded.

"How did you get so old so quickly? You were six the last time we were here," she reasoned. Elly gave a giggle at that.

"Don't you know how fast technology grows? Anyway, you're not here to talk about me, you're here to have some fun!"

"Actually, I just wanted to take a nap, you're the one who dragged me here," Tifa corrected.

"Eh, doesn't matter. You looked bored and I can't have my mommy be bored, can I?"

Apparently Elly wasn't quite used to being a mature adult yet.

"Well I never have been in a movie by myself...why not?" Tifa said, causing Elly to smirk, looking like Reno.

"Great! I think you'll know where I'm sending you but I've changed a few things around. I mean how boring would it be to go through a movie you've seen twenty times already, right? And if you see some of your friends or even daddy in there, it's not really them. They're just constructs modeled after them. Have fun!" Elly got closer and hugged Tifa tightly, kissing her on the cheek the way any child would to their mother. Tifa felt her body vanishing then and wondered just where she was being sent to.

* * *

When consciousness returned, Tifa was standing in the shade of an old oak tree. Breathing in the fresh summer air all around her, she spied a well up ahead. Something fluffy and white was checking a pocket watch and the creature turned it's head towards Tifa.

It was her boyfriend, now looking like a tiny bunny rabbit with red highlights in his white fur.

"Oh I'm late, so very, very late yo! The Queen's gonna chop my head off!" He then jumped in the well.

"Alice in Wonderland..." Tifa said. Looking up for a moment, she smiled. "Thanks Elly, this is the perfect thing to alleviate my boredom." She then ran up to the well and jumped in without a moment's hesitation.

Tifa expected a long fall but she wasn't prepared for just how long it really was. The blue dress she was in puffed out like a parachute and she continued to fall, finally slowing after twenty minutes and touching a tiled floor.

As expected, Tifa found a table with a tiny bottle on top that had Drink Me written on it's body. Taking it, she twisted the cap off and swallowed it. She started shrinking and soon enough the table was taller then Mt. Nibel.

"Looks like you have a long climb ahead of you," a deep rumble of a voice commented. Tifa turned around and saw the doorknob staring at her, sunglasses over it's golden eyes.

"Rude?" The doorknob shook it's head.

"No, I'm Door Knob the twenty seventh, not this Rude character. Anyway, how are you going to get up there?"

"I don't know...I think I'll grow."

"An excellent method," the door knob replied. Tifa chuckled a little. She couldn't wait to tell Reno about this. A whistling sound met her ear then and a large package crashed to the ground a few feet ahead of her.

Eat Me was taped to the box and Tifa found a cake inside. Taking a bite, she marveled at the taste as she felt her body shooting upwards. She finally stopped growing when she was as tall as King Kong. Looking around, she spied a tiny speck that could only be Door Knob the twenty seventh.

"I suppose your only way out would be to bust the wall I'm attached to down, eh?" Tifa nodded at his suggestion and lashed a foot out before pounding on the wall, reducing it to a pile of rubble. Bright sunlight came in through the newly created opening and Tifa stepped out.

"Have fun!" Door Knob yelled. Tifa nodded and stepped further in, the grass barely coming up to her ankles. However, some odd dust floated in the air and Tifa started sneezing, every one causing her to get smaller and smaller. After ten sneezes she was back to her shrunken state and looked around the gigantic stalks of grass.

"Definitely different from what I remember," she said aloud.

"Of course it is, that's the nature of Wonderland, is it not?" a voice asked from right behind Tifa. Whirling around, she saw nothing. "Up here!" Turning her head, she saw a striped cat with brown eyes leaning against a flower, the cat hovering off the ground. The cat smirked then and Tifa was reminded of Elly.

"Is that you Elly?" The cat merely winked and put a claw up to it's mouth.

"I'm a Cheshire Cat and that's all you need to know. If you go east from here you'll meet a caterpillar who might be able to help you return to a more manageable size. Enjoy yourself!" The Cheshire Cat spirited away then, it's smirk still lingering in the air for several moments.

Tifa started walking in the direction indicated, sure things weren't going to be that simple. Her feeling came true when she walked through some grass stalks several minutes later and emerged to find a large table groaning under the weight of plates upon plates of food, cups of tea, and mountains of sugar cubes. Two others were seated at this table and when they saw Tifa, both pointed to a chair opposite them.

"Come sit by us and have some tea!" the first said. It was Yuffie, well it looked just like Yuffie, with a tall hat on her head which was cocked at an odd angle while her body was covered in a suit that looked like it had been stolen from Oscar Wilde's closet. The second person was Vincent, only he had large bunny ears twitching from the top of his sable hair, a light spattering of fur visible beneath his own dandy suit.

"Yes, come and partake," Vincent said, his serious voice at odds with his appearance.

Tifa gave a nod and sat beside Yuffie, who quickly shoved a cup of tea before her.

"So my friend the March Hare and I were just discussing the varying levels of madness. Are you only partly mad or fully mad?"

"Um...I'm sane..." Tifa responded which set the being that looked like Yuffie into giggle fits.

"Oh, my dear girl, I apologize. Sane...we're all mad here, don't you get it? You have to be so in a mad world such as this. Plus if I wasn't mad would my mother give me the name of the Mad Hatter? I think not." As she was talking, the Mad Hatter took her tea and dumped it all over her suit. "Ah, that's refreshing, don't you think Hare?" The March Hare looked at her and sighed before turning to his right where no one was sitting.

"She's nuts Casper, don't you think?"

Silence was all he got.

"Yeah, I knew you would agree," the March Hare said, sipping his tea.

Tifa took her own sip and heard someone laughing. Looking around for the source, she saw one of the cakes giggling at her, the frosting rippling with mirth.

"The cake is laughing at me," Tifa said aloud. The Mad Hatter raised an eyebrow at that.

"What a silly thing to say," she said in a serious tone.

"Yes...it is silly...everything is silly," Tifa replied, giggling. She dumped the rest of the tea over her head and took off her shoes, wearing them on her hands instead. Jumping on the table, she kicked the dishes and food every which way and started to howl with laughter.

"Now she gets it!" the Mad Hatter crowed, joining her. The March Hare just rolled his eyes and looked at the carrot on his plate.

"Mr. Crunchy, what did I do to get stuck with her?" The carrot didn't respond.

As Tifa continued to laugh and lose her grip on just why she was here, an image of Reno came to her mind then, stopping her cold. Looking down at her now food and drink covered form, she blushed fiercely.

"Is something wrong my dear girl?" The Mad Hatter asked.

"No...I just remembered why I'm here. Thanks for the tea but I've got to go!" Tifa then put her shoes back on her feet and left the table.

Mad Hatter turned to March Hare.

"That girl is crazy."

"Yeah...so do you want to brush your teeth with mashed potatoes again?" The Mad Hatter beamed and took out her toothbrush.

"Of course!"

* * *

Tifa pressed on through what seemed miles of grass, nearly tripping several times, before emerging before a giant mushroom.

"Who the hell's there?!" a familiar voice roared. The owner of this voice crawled into view then and Tifa had to fight back her laughter at the sight of the Caterpillar with Cid's head. The insect was smoking a giant cigarette and glared at her. "What does a pipsqueak like you want?"

"Sorry for laughing, my name's Tifa and I'd like to go back to my normal size. I was told you could help me."

"What's wrong with the size you are now? Sure your rack is kind of small but that doesn't matter. Being big is overrated you know."

"Maybe for you but not for me. You're the only one who can help me." The Caterpillar sighed and took out his cigarette.

"Damn it, you're lucky you're cute. Anyway just eat some of my stupid ass mushroom here and you should grow back to normal, got that?" Tifa nodded and ripped off a piece of the mushroom, eating it quickly. As the Caterpillar watched her grow, he looked up her dress. Luckily for him, Tifa didn't notice this perverted act and the insect took a soothing drag of his cigarette. "There's my reward," he chuckled.

Tifa was back to her normal size. But she didn't have very long to savor it. Taking a step, the fighter tripped over a rock and was soon unconscious. Before everything went dark, she saw two pairs of feet wearing mismatched socks standing in front of her.

* * *

"Hey, anyone home, helloooo?" a voice said loudly in Tifa's ear. Eyes shooting open, she tried to move but realized that she was tied up. Looking towards the source of the voice, she saw Elena dressed in red striped overalls with a cap on her blonde hair. Tseng was beside her wearing the exact same outfit.

"She's asleep!" the Elena looking woman yelled. Her companion nodded.

"No, she isn't."

"Who are you?" Tifa asked.

"I'm Tweedledum!" the female said, jumping up and down.

"And I'm Tweedledee!" the male said. Both looked at each other and grinned.

"And we're...the worst henchman ever!" they both exclaimed, doing a little dance. They then picked Tifa up and moved north.

"Where are we headed?" Tifa asked.

"To safety!" Tweedledum said, blowing some bangs out of her face. "See we always think what we say and mean what we don't, right?" Tweedledee nodded.

"Wrong!"

"We're taking you to the most beautiful ruler in all of Wonderland!" Tweedledum said, sighing at the thought of her boss. "She's the kindest, sweetest, most caring Queen. You'll just love her, everyone does!"

"Yeah, and the King is the stupidest, ugliest, and clumsiest person in Wonderland!" Tweedledee put in.

"You're giving me a headache," Tifa groaned. Tweedledum looked at her and just gave her a moronic grin.

"How horrible!"

Tifa decided to not ask anymore questions. So they continued carrying her for an hour or so, the two slapping each other, calling one another nicknames, and just generally being chaotic.

"I hate you Tweedledum!" Tweedledee said. Tweedledum blushed fiercely and punched him hard in the gut.

"I hate you so much I just might die from it, moron!" Tweedledee sighed and then noticed the giant gate they were standing in front of.

"We're lost!" he roared. Tweedledum nodded.

"No, we're confused!"

The gate soon opened and they continued onward, every guard they passed looking exactly like Cloud while female cherubs looking exactly like Aerith zipped through the air. They entered a massive building covered in paper hearts and walked down an extremely long red carpet before kneeling in front of two thrones.

Tifa started laughing at the sight that met her eyes. Their queen was an extremely stout woman with bulky forearms, a giant stomach, and a rear so wide it looked like it could crush an elephant. But that wasn't what made Tifa laugh for the face glaring at her was pale but incredibly handsome, cat like green eyes narrowing in distaste. Long silver hair flowed down the back of the Queen.

"Sephiroth...you've changed..." Tifa managed to say, still laughing.

"I am Queen Sephira, Mistress of Wonderland and I am this close to chopping off your head!" Sephira roared, her voice sounding exactly like Sephiroth's. Turning to look at the red head seated on the throne beside her, Sephira started sobbing. "Gennipoo, did you hear that horrible laughter?"

Tifa had never known Genesis but had heard enough about him from Reno and the figure with the crown on his head looked just like the picture the barmaid had seen at Turk headquarters.

"Sephira, you are a Goddess and as such you shouldn't let yourself be moved by the laughter of trash like that," he said, his voice as soothing as he could make it. Sephira wiped at her eyes and nodded.

"Of course, you're so smart, as always."

"Queen Sephira, we let her escape!" Tweedledum spoke up.

"No, we didn't!" Tweedledee put in. Sephira nodded and patted both of their heads.

"And you did very horribly, my henchman. Now stay here."

"No!" they both yelled and ran out of the throne room, giggling like mad.

"Child, tell me what you are doing in my kingdom fraternizing with that fool of a Mad Hatter and her accomplice the March Hare?"

"I came here to have fun, Your Majesty, that's all," Tifa responded. She really wanted to laugh again but decided against it.

"Lies! You're searching for my faithful servant the White Rabbit, aren't you?!" Sephira roared. Just then the doors to the throne room opened up and the rabbit entered, hopping fiercely.

"Your Majesty, I know I'm late but I can explain!" the mammal said very quickly.

"That's fine, Rabbit, but tell me...do you know this girl?" The Rabbit looked at Tifa and shook his furry head.

"No I don't."

"Very well then she shall lose her head and we'll have tea." The rabbit nodded and motioned to some guards.

Tifa was untied and made to bow her head to Sephira while the stout queen unsheathed an incredibly long sword. Where she hid it, no one knew.

"Any last words before I chop off your head?" Sephira asked.

"Yeah...ever heard of Slim Fast?" Some of the guards started laughing at that and Sephira glared at them.

"Your heads are also forfeit!" But more laughter erupted from even more guards and even the Rabbit was chuckling a little.

"Gennipoo, help me!" Sephira roared, stomping her feet. But the king was reading his epic poem that he had written himself.

"Another time, my dear, but I still love you, don't worry."

The guards holding Tifa were now holding their sides and the Avalanche member stood up, quickly running towards the rabbit and picking him up.

"What are you doing with me?" the Rabbit asked.

"Saving your hide, now let's get out of here!"

They managed to escape the throne room and were just about to bust through the main gate when the twin figures of Tweedledum and Tweedledee barred their paths.

"You can go through!" Tweedledee yelled.

"The Queen doesn't have any candy for you guys in the throne room," Tifa shot back. Tweedledum licked her lips at the mention of candy and dragged Tweedledee away from the gate.

"I hate candy!" she exclaimed.

But as Tifa and her hostage ran into the gate, Tifa felt her body losing substance and soon enough she had vanished leaving one very confused rabbit.

"I need a vacation yo," he said, standing up and brushing his fur off.

* * *

Tifa was back in the void with Elly.

"Hey Mom, was that fun or what?" Tifa nodded and gave her a big smile.

"Yeah...thanks Elly."

"No problem and I've given you a little gift so enjoy it!"

"You mean like the one last week?" Tifa asked, her eyes narrowing a little. Elly chuckled but shook her head.

"No, that was more of a prank I wanted to pull on you guys. Come back anytime!" And then Tifa vanished once more.

Opening her eyes, Tifa found herself back on the couch, Reno looking down at her.

"Hey babe, sleep well?"

"Yeah, I had a wonderful dream." Tifa then started laughing and Reno just raised an eyebrow.

"Okay then...I'm making some steak, want some?" Tifa nodded and kissed him deep on the lips.

Forty minutes later, give or take a make out session or two, Tifa sat down beside Reno and took a bite of her steak. As she chewed and swallowed, she felt an odd tingling all over her body.

Reno could only watch as Tifa started to grow, her head crashing through the ceiling and her arms and legs destroying walls as she became a giant.

Smiling sheepishly, Tifa looked down at her boyfriend.

"Um...surprise?"

All Reno could do was pass out, from shock or at the sight of Tifa's increased bust size, no one could say.

Elly flickered on then and giggled at the sight that met her electronic eyes.

"Did you like your gift Mommy?"

Tifa sighed and looked down at her colossal body.

"Why do these things always happen to me?" she muttered.


End file.
